Feelings. Man, they’re weird. Like the winter in Mississippi, they don’t always seem to work the way they should. Dr. Kwasny once told me that feelings are like a car’s “check engine” light. They don’t tell us the whole story but they tell us that a story is there.
Feelings are like a magician. They show us one thing but the entire process remains a mystery. If we’re not careful, we can be fooled like the magic trick. We are tempted to “see” one thing when in reality the result has come about a totally different way.
One of the many different feelings that Christians “get” is when they don’t feel loved by God. As I often hear from young people (youth and college), “I understand it but I don’t really feel it.” Yes and amen to that! I’ve been there with you in this feeling before. There are still times that I don’t feel what I acknowledge to be true. It’s those 18 inches between head and heart that often feel like miles apart.
Head To Heart
The head and the heart have an interesting relationship within us. The heart cannot feel what the head does not know. The way to the heart is through the head. It is theology that fuels doxology. If you want to feel with your heart, you must think with your head. We will never have right affections for God until we are taught the truth about God. This means that truth comes to the head before it gets to the heart. But, the heart often feels like a memorable experience for me.
My mother is tall and, therefore, has long legs. When I was young, and obviously had shorter legs at the time, I would struggle to keep up with my mother when we walked. Not only was she tall, she also walked very fast. This was double trouble for young and short Wilson. One of my biggest memories from my young days is our trip to Disney World. I remember the rides, the food, and the Summer heat. I also remember one quote that was often repeated. “Keep up!” Yup, that was young Wilson’s biggest memory during those days. My mom would walk so fast and young Wilson would desperately try to keep up. Our head and heart are sometimes like my mother and young Wilson. The head often seems to be telling our hearts to “keep up!”
Can We Get Practical?
It’s important that we put our feelings in their proper place in an age that is all about “the feels”. As “indicator lights”, we need to make sure we use our feelings to search our hearts. One of the common feelings that Christians often get is the feeling that they’re not loved by God. We’d never admit that God doesn’t love us out loud but the feeling still lurks within. Our heads (aka our doctrine) tell us that we are loved but our hearts tell us that we’re not. So, why is there that head-heart gap? Why do we get that feeling of not being loved by God?
There are many different reasons that should be explored. This is the reason why we need solid biblical counseling in every season of our lives. There is no replacement for having someone regularly search the dynamics of your heart. But, there are some practical tools that we can use to help us truly know this love of God more.
Three Ways To “Feel” God’s Love More
We need to understand the love of God more.
In my first class at Tulane, our professor took our entire class to a restaurant for us to learn how to make gumbo. Having a father who grew up in Mobile, I grew up having my fair share of good gumbo. I loved gumbo but I had never made gumbo. Our professor separated the class into three teams for a cook-off. It was here that I had to actually learn how to make gumbo. After about two hours of cooking, I finally tasted a bowl. It was amazing!
Now, here is the question: Was it really the best gumbo that I ever had? Or, did it taste better because I knew more about how to make it? In my most humble moment, I would say the latter. You see, it’s because I understood more about it that I tasted more of it.
My wife works with John Wiggins and Mark Brown at Trinity Apparel. They work on tailored suits. I like suits but I don’t know the first thing about style. Then, my wife started to explain to me the different parts of the suit and what some look better than others. You want to know what happened after that moment? I began to see everyone’s suit totally different. I still don’t know much at all but even the microscopic knowledge that I do have made me love suits even more.
In the same way, there are many times that we don’t feel loved because we actually don’t understand enough about God’s love. Your head might be telling you, “You already know that God is love and that God loves you. So, just get with the program buddy!” But in reality, you don’t know enough about God’s love. If God is infinite then the knowledge of God’s love can never be complete. It’s when we see a bigger God than we know a bigger love. The more we understand the doctrine of love the more we understand the majesty of God’s love.
There is more to this. We need to understand more about who God is and what the gospel tells us. We don’t merely need to study the doctrine of love but we also need to study the entirety of God’s being. We need to see God’s sovereign love and His wise love. We need to see His gracious love, all-powerful love, unchanging love, everywhere-present love, and jealous love. It’s as I grow in my knowledge of who God is that I then can apply it to my knowledge of God’s love.
Think about it this way. In cajun cooking, the onion is key. But, if you want to understand how awesome an onion is then you need to study how peppers, celery, thyme, and garlic interact with onions. It’s when you understand more about other vegetables and herbs that the wonder of the onion is seen.
Maybe you don’t feel loved because your understanding of the storyline of the Bible is lacking. Maybe you don’t feel loved because your understanding of love is determined by the world. Maybe you don’t feel loved because your understanding of the Trinity is not correct. Our feelings depend on our knowledge.
Apply: Find the resources to help you learn more about who God is and what the Bible says. We need to find the most helpful resources that grow us in our knowledge of God. We need more exposure to the Word, not less.We need to compare and contrast the love of God.
Describe a dog. What would you compare a dog to? What would you use to show the contrast? Imagine trying to explain how a dog is an animal that also lives with us. If you met someone who had never seen a dog, how would you describe one? Those comparisons and contrasts help us better picture what a dog is like.
It’s when we have better comparisons and contrasts of God’s love that we understand it better. For instance, there are many great comparisons of God’s love in movies, books, and TV shows. Think about the movie The Lion King where we see the love of Mufasa for Simba. Think about the book Harry Potter where we see the love of Lily Potter laying down her life for her son Harry. There are many fascinating examples of substitutionary love.
It’s when we use these comparisons that we can have a better “picture” of that love. That’s why preachers and teachers use illustrations in sermons, lectures, and lessons. The best preachers have used great illustrations to paint mental pictures in people’s minds. Just read the sermons of Thomas Watson, Jonathan Edwards, Augustine, John Calvin, Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Charles Spurgeon, and Tim Keller.
Jesus was a master of using illustrations! He knew that it helped us to see comparisons to God’s love. Just think about the Parable of the Prodigal Son. Why didn’t he just say, “Hey guys, God loves you”? God created a physical world and gave us five senses. He created us inside His story. We were made to love stories, illustrations, and pictures.
But, there are also contrasts. The best love of an earthly father fails to compare totally to our heavenly Father’s love. The best love of a friend laying down his life for another doesn’t totally encapsulate the loveliness of the sacrifice on Calvary. We need to be reminded that the best earthly examples are like the Sun. The Sun is massive! It’s so big and bright that we can see that burning ball from 92 million miles away (sometimes I feel like that’s how far away my heart is from my head). Even though the Sun is that big, we know that outer space is even bigger. Have we measured even half of space? Have we sent a satellite to each solar system? We have such a small view of the universe. God’s love is like outer space and the earthly examples are like the Sun. There is no example (including this one since outer space isn’t infinite!) that can fully contain the knowledge of God.
Apply: Don’t shy away from comparing and contrasting God’s love with the things, events, and people that you see. Creation is crying out that we take notice. It’s when we find helpful illustrations that we can picture God’s love more. Natural Revelation gives us good pictures of truths in Special Revelation.We need to apply the love of God.
What does it matter if we do all the studying and paint all the pictures if we never ask “so, what?” There was once a preaching professor who used to sit at the back of each class when his students would preach. He would sit and listen to students explain and illustrate the text. It wasn’t long until the students improved significantly in exposition and delivery but many would still forget to ask “so, what?” When there were 5 minutes left in the sermon, the professor would always hold up a giant sign that said, “So, what?” It was a reminder to the preacher that the people must not only see what the Bible says but they must also see how the Bible changes the way they live, feel, think, and love.
We need to do the same thing to ourselves. When we study theology, we must do the painstaking work of asking how this truth changes the way we live. We need to spend time thinking about how it changes the way I interact with my micromanaging boss. I need to meditate on how a truth changes the way I respond to kids who pester me with questions whenever we’re on a retreat. I need to think deeply about how God’s love changes the way I respond whenever I’m reminded of how sinful I really am. We need to ask “so, what?”
I remember one year for Christmas getting a set of plates from my brother and sister-in-law. I had the face of my wife when she was seven years old and she got clothes for Christmas. Let’s just say that she wasn’t happy. Here’s the thing, that was me and I was 27! Like all good Southerners, I put on a happy face and said “thank you” while I pouted to my wife about it later. Let’s just say that she was wise in how to respond to me. I didn’t see any use for these plates. We already had plates! Well, then I started to use them. I found that the semi-bowl/semi-plate looking thing was actually amazing. Do you know what my favorite dish in our pantry is now? It’s that Christmas gift! You see, whenever I actually used it and saw how it changed the way I could plate food then I realized how awesome it was.
It’s when we see how a doctrine changes the way we live that we see more of the beauty of God’s truth. This is what good writers, preachers, and teachers do. They show us how God’s love actually changes the way we live. They say things such as, “If God’s love is sovereign then that means nothing and no one can stop Him from loving you.” Or they might say, “If God’s love is infinitely wise then that means that everything that God brings in your life will be used for you to know more of His love for you.” We often don’t feel loved because we don’t apply God’s love.
Apply: Read books by people who show you how the gospel actually changes your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Read books by Tim Keller, Ed Welch, Heath Lambert, Kevin DeYoung, and Jerry Bridges. Find books by Sinclair Ferguson, Paul Miller, Paul Tripp, Tim Chester, and Michael Reeves. Read what John Kwasny and John Perritt have written!