Gospel

What Should You Do When You Don't "Feel" Loved By God?

Feelings. Man, they’re weird. Like the winter in Mississippi, they don’t always seem to work the way they should. Dr. Kwasny once told me that feelings are like a car’s “check engine” light. They don’t tell us the whole story but they tell us that a story is there.

Feelings are like a magician. They show us one thing but the entire process remains a mystery. If we’re not careful, we can be fooled like the magic trick. We are tempted to “see” one thing when in reality the result has come about a totally different way.

One of the many different feelings that Christians “get” is when they don’t feel loved by God. As I often hear from young people (youth and college), “I understand it but I don’t really feel it.” Yes and amen to that! I’ve been there with you in this feeling before. There are still times that I don’t feel what I acknowledge to be true. It’s those 18 inches between head and heart that often feel like miles apart.

Head To Heart

The head and the heart have an interesting relationship within us. The heart cannot feel what the head does not know. The way to the heart is through the head. It is theology that fuels doxology. If you want to feel with your heart, you must think with your head. We will never have right affections for God until we are taught the truth about God. This means that truth comes to the head before it gets to the heart. But, the heart often feels like a memorable experience for me.

My mother is tall and, therefore, has long legs. When I was young, and obviously had shorter legs at the time, I would struggle to keep up with my mother when we walked. Not only was she tall, she also walked very fast. This was double trouble for young and short Wilson. One of my biggest memories from my young days is our trip to Disney World. I remember the rides, the food, and the Summer heat. I also remember one quote that was often repeated. “Keep up!” Yup, that was young Wilson’s biggest memory during those days. My mom would walk so fast and young Wilson would desperately try to keep up. Our head and heart are sometimes like my mother and young Wilson. The head often seems to be telling our hearts to “keep up!”

Can We Get Practical?

It’s important that we put our feelings in their proper place in an age that is all about “the feels”. As “indicator lights”, we need to make sure we use our feelings to search our hearts. One of the common feelings that Christians often get is the feeling that they’re not loved by God. We’d never admit that God doesn’t love us out loud but the feeling still lurks within. Our heads (aka our doctrine) tell us that we are loved but our hearts tell us that we’re not. So, why is there that head-heart gap? Why do we get that feeling of not being loved by God?

There are many different reasons that should be explored. This is the reason why we need solid biblical counseling in every season of our lives. There is no replacement for having someone regularly search the dynamics of your heart. But, there are some practical tools that we can use to help us truly know this love of God more.

Three Ways To “Feel” God’s Love More

  1. We need to understand the love of God more.
    In my first class at Tulane, our professor took our entire class to a restaurant for us to learn how to make gumbo. Having a father who grew up in Mobile, I grew up having my fair share of good gumbo. I loved gumbo but I had never made gumbo. Our professor separated the class into three teams for a cook-off. It was here that I had to actually learn how to make gumbo. After about two hours of cooking, I finally tasted a bowl. It was amazing!
    Now, here is the question: Was it really the best gumbo that I ever had? Or, did it taste better because I knew more about how to make it? In my most humble moment, I would say the latter. You see, it’s because I understood more about it that I tasted more of it.
    My wife works with John Wiggins and Mark Brown at Trinity Apparel. They work on tailored suits. I like suits but I don’t know the first thing about style. Then, my wife started to explain to me the different parts of the suit and what some look better than others. You want to know what happened after that moment? I began to see everyone’s suit totally different. I still don’t know much at all but even the microscopic knowledge that I do have made me love suits even more.
    In the same way, there are many times that we don’t feel loved because we actually don’t understand enough about God’s love. Your head might be telling you, “You already know that God is love and that God loves you. So, just get with the program buddy!” But in reality, you don’t know enough about God’s love. If God is infinite then the knowledge of God’s love can never be complete. It’s when we see a bigger God than we know a bigger love. The more we understand the doctrine of love the more we understand the majesty of God’s love.
    There is more to this. We need to understand more about who God is and what the gospel tells us. We don’t merely need to study the doctrine of love but we also need to study the entirety of God’s being. We need to see God’s sovereign love and His wise love. We need to see His gracious love, all-powerful love, unchanging love, everywhere-present love, and jealous love. It’s as I grow in my knowledge of who God is that I then can apply it to my knowledge of God’s love.
    Think about it this way. In cajun cooking, the onion is key. But, if you want to understand how awesome an onion is then you need to study how peppers, celery, thyme, and garlic interact with onions. It’s when you understand more about other vegetables and herbs that the wonder of the onion is seen.
    Maybe you don’t feel loved because your understanding of the storyline of the Bible is lacking. Maybe you don’t feel loved because your understanding of love is determined by the world. Maybe you don’t feel loved because your understanding of the Trinity is not correct. Our feelings depend on our knowledge.
    Apply: Find the resources to help you learn more about who God is and what the Bible says. We need to find the most helpful resources that grow us in our knowledge of God. We need more exposure to the Word, not less.

  2. We need to compare and contrast the love of God.
    Describe a dog. What would you compare a dog to? What would you use to show the contrast? Imagine trying to explain how a dog is an animal that also lives with us. If you met someone who had never seen a dog, how would you describe one? Those comparisons and contrasts help us better picture what a dog is like.
    It’s when we have better comparisons and contrasts of God’s love that we understand it better. For instance, there are many great comparisons of God’s love in movies, books, and TV shows. Think about the movie The Lion King where we see the love of Mufasa for Simba. Think about the book Harry Potter where we see the love of Lily Potter laying down her life for her son Harry. There are many fascinating examples of substitutionary love.
    It’s when we use these comparisons that we can have a better “picture” of that love. That’s why preachers and teachers use illustrations in sermons, lectures, and lessons. The best preachers have used great illustrations to paint mental pictures in people’s minds. Just read the sermons of Thomas Watson, Jonathan Edwards, Augustine, John Calvin, Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Charles Spurgeon, and Tim Keller.
    Jesus was a master of using illustrations! He knew that it helped us to see comparisons to God’s love. Just think about the Parable of the Prodigal Son. Why didn’t he just say, “Hey guys, God loves you”? God created a physical world and gave us five senses. He created us inside His story. We were made to love stories, illustrations, and pictures.
    But, there are also contrasts. The best love of an earthly father fails to compare totally to our heavenly Father’s love. The best love of a friend laying down his life for another doesn’t totally encapsulate the loveliness of the sacrifice on Calvary. We need to be reminded that the best earthly examples are like the Sun. The Sun is massive! It’s so big and bright that we can see that burning ball from 92 million miles away (sometimes I feel like that’s how far away my heart is from my head). Even though the Sun is that big, we know that outer space is even bigger. Have we measured even half of space? Have we sent a satellite to each solar system? We have such a small view of the universe. God’s love is like outer space and the earthly examples are like the Sun. There is no example (including this one since outer space isn’t infinite!) that can fully contain the knowledge of God.
    Apply: Don’t shy away from comparing and contrasting God’s love with the things, events, and people that you see. Creation is crying out that we take notice. It’s when we find helpful illustrations that we can picture God’s love more. Natural Revelation gives us good pictures of truths in Special Revelation.

  3. We need to apply the love of God.
    What does it matter if we do all the studying and paint all the pictures if we never ask “so, what?” There was once a preaching professor who used to sit at the back of each class when his students would preach. He would sit and listen to students explain and illustrate the text. It wasn’t long until the students improved significantly in exposition and delivery but many would still forget to ask “so, what?” When there were 5 minutes left in the sermon, the professor would always hold up a giant sign that said, “So, what?” It was a reminder to the preacher that the people must not only see what the Bible says but they must also see how the Bible changes the way they live, feel, think, and love.
    We need to do the same thing to ourselves. When we study theology, we must do the painstaking work of asking how this truth changes the way we live. We need to spend time thinking about how it changes the way I interact with my micromanaging boss. I need to meditate on how a truth changes the way I respond to kids who pester me with questions whenever we’re on a retreat. I need to think deeply about how God’s love changes the way I respond whenever I’m reminded of how sinful I really am. We need to ask “so, what?”
    I remember one year for Christmas getting a set of plates from my brother and sister-in-law. I had the face of my wife when she was seven years old and she got clothes for Christmas. Let’s just say that she wasn’t happy. Here’s the thing, that was me and I was 27! Like all good Southerners, I put on a happy face and said “thank you” while I pouted to my wife about it later. Let’s just say that she was wise in how to respond to me. I didn’t see any use for these plates. We already had plates! Well, then I started to use them. I found that the semi-bowl/semi-plate looking thing was actually amazing. Do you know what my favorite dish in our pantry is now? It’s that Christmas gift! You see, whenever I actually used it and saw how it changed the way I could plate food then I realized how awesome it was.
    It’s when we see how a doctrine changes the way we live that we see more of the beauty of God’s truth. This is what good writers, preachers, and teachers do. They show us how God’s love actually changes the way we live. They say things such as, “If God’s love is sovereign then that means nothing and no one can stop Him from loving you.” Or they might say, “If God’s love is infinitely wise then that means that everything that God brings in your life will be used for you to know more of His love for you.” We often don’t feel loved because we don’t apply God’s love.
    Apply: Read books by people who show you how the gospel actually changes your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Read books by Tim Keller, Ed Welch, Heath Lambert, Kevin DeYoung, and Jerry Bridges. Find books by Sinclair Ferguson, Paul Miller, Paul Tripp, Tim Chester, and Michael Reeves. Read what John Kwasny and John Perritt have written!

How To Encourage Young Adults To Drop Out Of Church (Yes, You Read The Title Correctly)

The stats are nothing new. We’ve seen the numbers for several years now. But, we saw again recently that the numbers have remained the same. Young Adults are dropping out of church when they go to college or when they enter into the professional world.

In his VERY helpful blog, Jared Wilson gives us six ways how we can encourage this trend. Yes, you read that right. In other words, if you want to see these numbers stay the same rather than get better then here are six recommendations he has:

  1. Attend church sporadically.

  2. Complain about your church.

  3. Insulate them from the rest of the body.

  4. Ignore their crucial questions.

  5. Church hop.

  6. Marginalize or muzzle the gospel.

If I might be so bold, I would add a couple more that would encourage this trend:

  1. Don’t talk to your children about the difference between going to church versus listening to a podcast or watching a YouTube video of a sermon.

  2. Don’t model vulnerability with close friends at the church.

  3. Treat Jesus as a means to an end rather than the end in Himself.

  4. Only attend what is “absolutely necessary” in order to keep up your membership at the church.

  5. Criticize the sermon every week in front of your kids.

  6. Teach them that doctrine isn’t important as long as they just “love God and love others”.

  7. Don’t prepare for Sunday worship like it’s an important day.

  8. Don’t talk about how Sunday worship applies to the rest of the week.

For Jared Wilson’s full article, click here.

Should Christians Feel Guilty All the Time? (Kevin DeYoung)

This article is one that was written in 2016 but the power of the gospel still speaks in this short blog. This blog greatly helped my own heart especially when feeling the guilt and shame of past mistakes that can go back as far as 10-15 years ago. So, for those of you who struggle with something similar, maybe this excerpt will help you too:

1. We don’t fully embrace the good news of the gospel. We forget that we have been made alive together with Christ. We have been raised with him. We have been saved through faith alone. And this is the gift of God, not a result of works (Eph. 2:4-8). Let us not be afraid to embrace the lavishness of God’s grace.

2. Christians tend to motivate each other by guilt rather than grace. Instead of urging our fellow believers to be who they are in Christ, we command them to do more for Christ (see Rom. 6:5-14). So we see Christlikeness as something we are royally screwing up, when we really should see it as something we already possess but need to grow into.

3. Most of our low-level guilt falls under the ambiguous category of “not doing enough.” Look at the list above. None one of the items is necessarily sinful. They all deal with possible infractions, perceptions, and ways in which we’d like to do more. These are the hardest areas to deal with because no Christian, for example, will ever confess to praying enough. So it is always easy to feel terrible about prayer (or evangelism or giving or any number of disciplines). We must be careful that we don’t insist on a certain standard of practice when the Bible merely insists on a general principle.

For example, every Christian must give generously and contribute to the needs of the saints (2 Cor. 9:6-11; Rom. 12:13). This we can insist on with absolute certainty. But what this generosity looks like–how much we give, how much we retain–is not bound by any formula, nor can it be exacted by compulsion (2 Cor. 9:7). So if we want people to be more generous we would do well to follow Paul’s example in 2 Corinthians and emphasize the blessings of generosity and the gospel-rooted motivation for generosity as opposed to shaming those who don’t give as much.

For the full blog, click here.

Large Group Sermons on Romans

John Calvin on the Gospel Logic of Ethnic/Racial Unity

In Ephesians 2:14, Paul writes, “For [Jesus Christ] is our peace, who has made us both one…” The “both” in this verse is a reference to Jew and Gentile. These two groups were opposed to one another, with the Jews in particular viewing the Gentiles with prideful superiority. Yet in the gospel of Jesus Christ, these ethnic and cultural divisions are broken down, and unity is created by and in Him. John Calvin helpfully and succinctly summarizes the pride of the Jews and the way the gospel of Jesus breaks this pride and unites a fractured relationship:

The Jews, puffed up with the privilege which God had conferred upon them, reckoned the Gentiles to be unworthy of being admitted to any intercourse whatever. To subdue this pride, [Paul] tells them that they and the Gentiles have been united into one body. Put all these things together, and you will frame the following syllogism: If the Jews wish to enjoy peace with God, they must have Christ as their Mediator. But Christ will not be their peace in any other way than by making them one body with the Gentiles. Therefore, unless the Jews admit the Gentiles to fellowship with them, they have no friendship with God. (Commentary on Ephesians 2:14)

May the Lord by His gospel cause us to live out the oneness that the cross of Christ has created across every racial, cultural, and economic barrier we erect between ourselves and other Christians.

Edward Dering's Gospel Prayer

Edward Dering, an English Puritan who lived from 1540-1576, offered this prayer as a summary of the truth of the catechism he had written for the people of God during the days of Queen Elizabeth. It is rich in gospel experience, and keeps before our eyes those three most important realities: guilt, grace, and gratitude (or if you prefer your theology to start with the letter "R," ruin, redemption, and restoration). Use it as you prepare for worship on the Lord's Day!

O merciful and heavenly Father, since at every light occasion, I am withdrawn from your holy laws, to the vanities of this life, unto all sin and wickedness; I beseech you in mercy set before my eyes always the remembrance of your judgment seat, and my last end: whereby I may be daily stirred up to consider in what great danger I stand, through the horrible punishment due to my sins: that daily groaning under the burden of them, I may fly for succor to your beloved son Jesus Christ, who has fully paid, suffered & overcome the punishment due to them: and through the working of your holy Spirit in me, I may be fully assured in my soul and conscience, that the curse, condemnation, and death which these my sins deserve, is fully paid, suffered, and overcome in Christ, that his righteousness, obedience, and holiness is mine, and whatsoever he has wrought for man’s salvation is wholly mine.

Strengthen this faith in me daily more and more, that I may inwardly feel comfort and consolation in this, that I feel your holy Spirit bear record unto my spirit, that I am your child, grafted into the body of your Son, and made with him fellow heir of your everlasting kingdom. So work in me by your holy Spirit, that daily more and more I may feel sin die in me, that I do not delight therein, but daily may groan under the burden thereof, utterly hate, detest, and loath sin, set myself and all the powers of my soul and body against sin, and have my full delight, joy, comfort, and pleasure in those things which be agreeable to your will, that I may walk as becomes the Children of light, looking still for that good time, which it shall please you to call me to your everlasting kingdom, and joy eternal. This in mercy grant unto me for Jesus Christ’s sake, my only Lord and Savior, Amen.