Our very own Dr. John C. Kwasny has released yet another book and this time on counseling teenagers. This is a fabulous book and certainly a must-read for youth workers and parents. Teenagers would also benefit greatly from getting this and reading it themselves. It is a great book to read straight through but also very beneficial as a resource book throughout the years. The structure of the book is laid out to be very accessible as it is divided up into topics. What I wanted to do in this post was give you 20 quotes from John’s new book to entice you to go to Amazon and buy it. Here we go:
“Sadly, many teens are left to themselves during these years, dealing with the temptations and the struggles of their hearts and minds all on their own. Yet, all through the Book of Proverbs, young people are taught to gain wisdom through listening to and obeying their parents and other wise adults. If teenagers are to listen and learn wisdom, then parents and other mature adults are to speak wisdom and live wisely before them!” p. 13
“When foundational views of God and people are faulty or deficient, the counsel that emerges from them will miss the mark as well. If you examine the advice given to teenagers today, including counsel given by some Christians, you will quickly learn that the main problem is that their underlying presuppositions are not Biblical.” p. 22
“Teenagers have bodies and souls that are not fully developed, brains that are still maturing, and body chemistry that is still in flux. To not recognize teens as bodies and souls will keep us from recognizing the influence of their bodies on their souls. But the fundamental error on the other side of the coin is to only see teenagers as a mass of chemicals and hormones!” p. 27
“Biblical change occurs when they learn to destroy the idols of their heart and constantly return to the right worship of God. As God’s Spirit and His Word do their joint work in hearts, change will be reflected on the doing and feeling levels as well.” p. 35
“Biblical counseling is a gospel-driven, Christ-centered series of conversations between parent and child, counselor and counselee, leader and student. It is the essential work of relational dialogue that seeks true Biblical change, growth in grace, repentance and faith, knowledge and wisdom.” p. 37
“So when teens are struggling with diverse problems, they need Biblical truth from the lips of their parents. They require the proper application of Scripture to their problems. They need parents who teach Biblical wisdom as well as ones who are living wisely in front of them.” p. 55
“The starting point for just about any problem is for a person to actually acknowledge there is a problem.” p. 73
“Don’t confront your teen’s anger with your own anger. Do show true compassion for the pain the teen is experiencing. Don’t excuse all anger as being simply a normal emotion.” p. 82
“To rightly deal with anxiety that is either specific or generalized, the starting place is to recognize that our hearts are easily tempted to worry due to many difficulties in this life. Even that admission is difficult for many teens who act like they everything under control.” p. 89
“When your teenager speaks about being depressed—or is displaying some of the common symptoms—it is essential to step back and get a bigger picture, a better view, of the problem. Why do we need to get the big picture of depression? Because it keeps us from oversimplifying the problem and assuming a singular, universal cause to all types of depression.” p. 106
“As much as it’s vital to deal with heart issues like spiritual slavery and worthless false worship, our teens’ sinful thought patterns must be addressed as well. We literally have to answer the question: ‘What are they thinking?’” p. 131
“Opal needs to see that her love of self has to be confessed and repented of before she can actually look at her body in the right way. This love of self is also connected to pride in our hearts, as we think we are entitled to be healthy, look good, or be at a certain weight.” p. 147
“Our teens need to be reminded that being cleansed from sin is a fact, whether we feel it or not.” p. 167
“Complete change is never promised to us in this life—of any sinful desire. We will only be fully cleansed of our sin in glory. Whatever the result, the Christian teen who believes the truth of God’s Word doesn’t just wait for desires to change, but works, by the Spirit to combat these thoughts and feelings—and not act on them.” p. 181
“What teens must deal with is their tendency and temptation to love themselves more than they love God or other people. So, while Angie may be extremely self-critical when it comes to certain aspects of her body, this is really out of a deep love and concern for self.” p. 197
“Pornography offers a place of escape—a way to sinfully engage imaginations—that seems to have no penalty involved. Rescuing our teens from the land of fantasy is a big part of solving the porn problem. We must keep them grounded in the real life that God has created for them, even when that reality is difficult or frustrating.” p. 209
“How do we counsel a teenager with [the hook-up culture mentality] and overall pattern of behavior? The first question which needs to be asked: Is he even a Christian? It is extremely difficult to rationalize how sexual conquest with various partners is compatible with a love for Jesus.” p. 227
“Teenagers rebel because they have rebellious hearts. They are not anomalies among a planet full of good, decent, moral people. This truth may not be comforting, but it is essential when we are addressing the problem of rebellion.” p. 239
“Often times teenagers are rebelling partly because they are longing for the love and attention of their parents. That may sound overly simplistic, but even teenagers can behave in ways simply to get attention—even if it is purely negative attention.” p. 244
“If joy only comes in the context of entertainment media, then everything else will become boring and lifeless. Even worse for the teen’s heart and mind, entertainment media can become the sole way to escape from the pain and suffering in this life. Keeping a God-centered holiness is what we desire to see in our teens as they grow up. Managing the impact of technology and media is an essential part of the sanctifying process.” p. 298